Sometimes I feel resistant to practicing.  I'm tired, or cranky or overwhelmed by upcoming events and a slow feeling of dread begins to well up as I get closer to opening my oboe case.  That's when I'm really glad that I saved the books from when I first started playing.  I actually began on flute, but I've saved those books too, because I loved them so very much.  You can see the love in the way I plastered them with my most precious stickers and drew little pictures in the margins to represent the titles of the songs.  Pulling out those books and reading through a few exercises reminds me of how excited I used to be to play.  Every page represented a new challenge and a new skill to learn.  Playing was fun and just one more thing I did.  I wasn't dependent on it for putting food on the table or paying the rent.  I wasn't playing for audiences who were putting out hard earned money to listen to an inspiring performance.  I played purely for my own enjoyment and my little books help me get back in touch with that.  I generally find that if I can just get started, then the work builds on itself and I'm able to move into the tasks of the day.  I'm just glad I have something to fall back on when I need a jump start.

My favorite flute book circa 6th grade:

I've been busy for months putting together a benefit recital for Sister Cities Essex Haiti.  The concert was Sunday and by all accounts it was a huge success.  The house was packed, everyone enjoyed the performance and we raised money for projects in Deschapelles.  However, I am now mired in the nearly inevitable post-concert letdown.  I've focused so much energy on this event that it's hard to turn around and dive right into my next set of projects.  I have a bunch of really cool performances coming up, but I'm exhausted and having a hard time regrouping.  I need to figure out a way to recharge the batteries.  I also need to stop playing the mental loop of "things I could have done better."  It's not helping my mood.  No matter how well an event goes, I tend to ferret out the flaws and then fixate on them a bit.  That's only useful if I can use the process to improve.  Hopefully I will eventually, but right now, it's just making me cranky.  On top of that, I can't even run my way out of the funk because the weather is gloomy and wet and I don't dare run for fear of getting sick.  I'll try to get some practicing in, that will help.  Plus I'm heading back into the city today.  It should be a pretty train ride with all the mist and fog on the shoreline.  I just need a good book for the ride.  All in all, I knew to expect this, but it's still feels cruddy when you're going through it.